I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
