Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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