no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
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he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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