Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
