if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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