I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
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Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
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I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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