You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just want to make out with him forever
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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