Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
