There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
