Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You need Xanax blowdarts
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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