I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Floor bacon is actually really good
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
