When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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