My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
