Quick, to the slutcave!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
