Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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