if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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