I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When did angry sex become our thing?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
