Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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