last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
