How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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