I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
