stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
