his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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