Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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