I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
