ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize