Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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