i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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