I think I am morally bankrupt
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
