Only a mothe r could love this liver
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
