this is something i pride myself on being below average for
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
