OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
