Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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