who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
