Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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