My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
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