Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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