you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
