I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
pray to the hookup gods
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
