Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Randomize
