I think im going to throw up on grandma
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
