Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
