feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
