you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
