yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
