I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
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