I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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