That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
