but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
