Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
