If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
