No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
