Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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