I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize