you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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