its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
