Its about making memories worth repressing
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
