He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
