My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
