he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
