Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
