You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Im part way to drunk.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
