I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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