Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
