Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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