i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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